The holidays are just around the corner! This season represents a time of connection, quality time, and tradition. This is also a unique time for college freshmen, as it is often the first time they are returning home after starting college. While this is an exciting time for families to reconnect with their child in college but can also feel nerve wracking for both parties. College is a time of great personal growth, identity development, and newfound freedom. As parents, it may come as a shock to notice changes in your college student and navigate your relationship with them as they transition from adolescence to young adulthood. Finding ways to respect their independence while also being a source of support can be a tricky balance to strike. And, with any shift or change in relationship, especially when it entails your child growing up, grief and nostalgia can emerge. There are many ways to navigate these changes to make this holiday season special and memorable with your child!
Common Changes You May Notice in your Freshman
The following are some common changes you may notice when your college student returns home for the holidays:
- New Routines and Lifestyle: Your child may have developed new sleeping, eating, and socializing routines since beginning college. College allows students to create a schedule that works for them. That may entail sleeping in late, staying out late with friends, and visiting the dining hall at different times throughout the day.
- Increased Independence: Students living away from home for the first time have likely gotten used to their newfound independence and freedom at college. Your child may have difficulty readjusting to home life. It may feel strange for them to check in with you about where they are going or to abide by a curfew.
- New Beliefs and Ideas: College is a salient time for identity development and personal growth. Students are often exposed to peers and professors from different cultures and countries which may challenge them to expand their worldviews and develop beliefs and perspectives that could differ from your own.
- New Hobbies and Interests: Your child may have outgrown certain hobbies or interests they used to enjoy as they explore and engage in new activities, clubs, or interests. College is a time where students begin developing what they are passionate about and finding meaning and purpose in their lives.
- Changes in Physical Appearance: As your child transitions from adolescence to adulthood, it is normal for them to gain weight and experience changes in their body composition. This can be for a variety of reasons including changes in metabolism and hormone levels. Lifestyle changes may also contribute to weight gain due to increased stress, greater access to a variety of foods on campus, and less time to exercise due to busy schedules.
- Increased Stress or Anxiety: While the Thanksgiving holidays are supposed to be a break from classes and assignments, this holiday falls in the midst of a busy time in the semester for college students. Students feel increased stress as classes wrap up and final exam season approaches. Your child may bring books or other materials home during the break to study or complete assignments.
- Changes in Relationships: Students returning home may have plans to see their high school friends for the first time since leaving for college. It’s common that these friendships may shift as your child and their high school friends grow and develop. Your child may feel nervous prior to meeting up with their friends or sad and disappointed if they have outgrown certain friendships. It’s normal that some friendships will drift apart or become more distant over time.
How to Support your Child
Through all the excitement of welcoming your child home, the following are ways to show support and care as well as navigate the nuances of your relationship with your college student:
- Prepare their Space and Stock up on Essentials: Tidy up your child’s room before they return home for break. A clean, organized space can help them feel more comfortable and relaxed. Stock up on snacks and other essential items they may need while home. These small acts can help your child feel cared about as you welcome them home.
- Respect their Independence: Ask your child about their new routines, particularly around sleeping, eating, and socializing, and have an open conversation about expectations. Take time to reflect on any expectations you may have for them while they are home. For example, you can discuss if they will check in with you about their whereabouts or when the car will be available for their use. This will help avoid misunderstandings when your child is home and show that you respect their independence.
- Expect a Variety of Emotions: Your child may be experiencing a variety of emotions upon being home. For example, they may be happy and excited to see friends and family. And, their hometown may look and feel different after living away for a time which can bring up feelings of grief, nostalgia, or sadness. Similarly, as a parent you may feel a mixture of emotions as your relationship with your child evolves as they become an adult. Allow space for these emotions- they are a normal part of transition periods. You may find comfort in reflecting and reminiscing about past holiday memories while also creating space to make new memories.
- Offer Support: Convey curiosity about your child’s college experiences, interets, hobbies, friendships, and academics. Try to avoid asking questions about their grades or career plans as this can add undue stress and pressure to your child. Ask more broad questions about how they are enjoying their classes and managing their stress levels. Try to listen without judgment and let them know you are open to hearing about both the exciting and challenging parts of college. Ask how you can best support them both at home and while they are at college.
- Plan with Flexibility: Quality time with family is precious around the holidays, especially when your child is returning home for the holidays. Engaging in family traditions and spending time together can be joyful and connecting.Time goes by fast during the holidays and it can often feel like there’s not enough time to spend with your child before they return to college. Keep in mind, your child may make plans to see their friends and may need time by themselves for self-care and rest. It’s common for college students to feel extra tired at this point in the semester. Try to keep this in mind as the holidays approach and be flexible with your plans.
- Avoid Comments about Food and Body Image: Your child may have gained the all-too-common “freshman 15.” While this is normal, your child may feel self-conscious or judgmental about their weight gain. Comments from family members about their weight gain, body shape,or eating habits convey disapproval, can contribute to body dissatisfaction, and may increase maladaptive thoughts and behaviors related to eating and body image. Instead, set an example that models enjoyment in all aspects of the holidays, including indulging in delicious and traditional foods!
- Look for Signs of Concern: Your college freshman may be struggling to adjust to college in one or multiple domains (i.e., academically, socially, time management, and tasks of daily living). While it’s common for college students to feel anxious and stressed during college, it is important to recognize when your child is really struggling and may need additional support. Some of these signs include marked weight loss, isolation and withdrawal from friends and family members, academic decline, failure to make new friends, and changes in mood (i.e., chronic irritability, depression, or anxiety/panic). If you notice any of these signs, let your child know you care and are here to support them. Encourage them to seek professional help through the resources available at their school. Most colleges offer counseling services, academic advising, tutoring, and other great resources.
Remember, it is common that you will notice changes in your college freshman as they return home for the holidays. Your child is maturing into an adult, which entails development of their own beliefs and opinions, trying new hobbies and interests, and possibly outgrowing old friendships. Any change, big or small, is often accompanied by grief. Allow space for your emotions as you welcome your college student home. This will allow you to engage more fully with your child, through quality time, meaningful conversations, and holiday traditions. Be curious about your child’s college experiences, offer support, and encourage them to seek additional guidance if needed.
If yourself or your child needs additional support, please reach out to our team at Integrated Care Clinic. We are a team of mental health professionals who specialize in helping children, teens, and adults navigate life challenges and enhance mental health and well-being!
