Supporting a loved one with mental health struggles is a challenging feat to navigate. Many caregivers may feel uncertain about what to say or what to do and it can be difficult coping with the emotional highs and lows that accompany being a support for someone who is struggling. As a caregiver, your own mental health matters too, meaning it is essential to balance your own needs with the needs of the person you are supporting. While being a support can feel overwhelming and uncertain at times, it can also strengthen and deepen relationships if approached from a place of compassion and understanding. In this blog, we’ll explore how to provide compassionate and effective support without losing sight of your own well-being.
Understanding Mental Health Challenges
Mental health challenges affect not only the person experiencing the disorder, but also the people who make up their social support system. Mental health diagnoses often include psychological, emotional, and physical symptoms that impact a person’s ability to maintain close connections with others. Some common mental health conditions your loved one may be struggling with include depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), eating disorders, or substance use disorders. Many of these conditions co-occur with other conditions which adds to the complexity and intensity of symptoms your loved one may be experiencing. For example, it is common for anxiety and depression to co-occur, meaning your loved one may go through periods of heightened anxiety and emotionality as well as periods of feeling down, depressed, and lethargic.
One commonality of experiencing mental health conditions is the negative impact they can have on relationships. When a person is struggling with their mental health, they often have less capacity and energy to put towards their relationships. They may be more quick to anger and lash out at others, may isolate themselves and withdraw from relationships, or may behave in ways that are overly needy or clingy. This can make it difficult to communicate with your loved one and cause disruptions in how close or connected you feel toward them. This can lead to a vicious cycle where increased disconnection in relationships further exacerbates and intensifies the mental health symptoms the person is experiencing.
A key step in helping support a loved one who is experiencing mental health challenges is to gain a clear understanding about the condition(s) they have been diagnosed with. This will help you understand the symptoms they are experiencing, including behaviors that may be frustrating or challenging to navigate. Understanding their diagnosis is the first step in being able to provide meaningful support to your loved one.
Recognizing the Signs of Mental Health Struggles in Your Partner
There are many signs and symptoms that may indicate your loved one may be struggling with their mental health. The following are some changes you may notice:
- Physical symptoms: fatigue, low energy, increased or decreased sleep, increased or decreased appetite and food intake, panic attacks
- Emotional symptoms: low mood, elevated or expansive mood, irritability, increased fear or anxiety, mood swings, short temper, anger, lack of emotional expression
- Behavior changes: lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities, disheveled appearance, withdrawal from friends and family, inability to complete tasks of daily living (i.e., laundry, grocery shopping), calling out of work or school, increased use of alcohol or other drugs, difficulty concentrating, expressing feelings of hopelessness.
Some of these changes may appear subtle at first but may become more noticeable or pronounced over time. One tip for recognizing if your loved one is showing any of these signs or symptoms is to ask yourself if their mood and behavior has changed from how they normally appear and act. If the answer is yes, then they may be struggling with their mental health. You may also ask yourself if they have experienced any recent events or stressors that may have led to the presence of these symptoms. Some common stressors include: death of a loved one, relationship breakup, divorce, birth of a child, beginning a new job, moving to a new city, beginning a new relationship, bullying, natural disaster, traumatic event (i.e., car accident, robbery, assault), job loss, and financial strain. While these events may point to why your loved one may be experiencing an increase in symptoms, an event or stressor does not always act as a precursor to mental health struggles. Some people may begin to experience a decline in their mental health after years of chronic stress that builds over time and eventually leads to a myriad of mental and physical health symptoms. The key here is to pay attention and remain curious about subtle or overt changes in your loved ones mood, behavior, and functioning and offering support early on to prevent escalation of symptoms.
Effective Communication with Your Loved One
The following are tips for having conversations with your loved one about their mental health and effectively communicating concern and support:
- Create a safe space: Approach sensitive topics from a calm, non-judgmental, and patient manner. Open up conversations during a time where both you and your loved one have the capacity to have a heavy conversation.
- Practice active listening: Active listening is a skill that allows you to more deeply attune with and understand what your loved one is communicating to you. This type of listening involves being aware of both your verbal and nonverbal communication. Nonverbal communication includes turning towards the person, relaxed body posture, and eye contact. Avoid distractions, like checking your phone. Practice reflecting back what your loved one is communicating to you and respond in a validating way such as “I hear how much you are struggling and I am here for you.” Many caregivers may want to go into “problem solving mode” or offer advice on how to help your loved one. While this is well-intentioned, it is usually not the most effective strategy for a variety of reasons. For example, it may lead your loved one to feel misunderstood or like a “problem” that needs to be “fixed.” These feelings may lead your loved one to withdraw from you rather than continuing to open up about the struggles they are experiencing.
- When to offer help: Instead of jumping to solutions or advice, try asking more open-ended questions like “How can I support you right now?” If you feel pulled to give advice try asking for their permission first such as by asking “Would you like some advice about what you are experiencing or do you just need someone to listen and provide support right now?” Respect whatever answer they give you. You may not feel like you are doing much by just listening, but this simple action actually goes a long way. Feeling seen, heard, and supported sends the message to your loved one that you can handle hearing about the pain they are experiencing without making them feel like a problem to be fixed.
- Offer practical support: There are many practical ways to provide support, especially if your loved one is having difficulty with everyday tasks. If you notice they are struggling, ask them if there is anything you can do for them practically (i.e., bringing over food, eating a meal together, helping them with household chores). Simply being present with your loved one can help them feel supported.
- Be patient: Remember that healing is often a slow process and offering consistent support is key. Tasks or problems that may seem easy or manageable to you may feel insurmountable to your loved one to navigate at a given time. Remain patient with them and remind yourself that you are not responsible for healing them.
Setting Boundaries for Self-Care
Your mental health and well-being is just as important as the loved one you are caring for. The saying of “you cannot pour from an empty cup” is true. Caring for yourself means prioritizing your own physical and mental health needs, setting boundaries with your loved one, and having your own support system that you can reliably lean on. Without these things, you are at risk for experiencing burnout and other mental and physical health problems. Neglecting your own self-care can also lead to a build up of resentment or anger toward the person you are caring for. The following are tips for how to prioritize your own needs throughout this process
- The Importance of Self-Care: Supporting a loved one with mental health challenges can be emotionally taxing, meaning self-care is an essential part of this process. Make a list of the things that are non-negotiables for you in terms of self-care. This may include getting a certain amount of hours of sleep, going to your favorite exercise class, and making time to see your own friends and family.
- Setting Healthy Boundaries: Setting boundaries is key when caring for a loved one who is struggling with their mental health. Examples of boundaries may be letting your loved one know when you will and will not be available to contact. Boundaries also include letting your loved one know when you do not have the capacity or bandwidth to provide support to them. It is okay to say “no” when you are running on empty and need time to recharge.
- Seeking Support for Yourself: Caregiving can feel overwhelming and draining without proper support for yourself. Reach out to friends, family members, or a therapist for help supporting your own mental health and preventing burnout. There are also many online or in-person support groups and resources for caregivers of loved ones with various mental health struggles. Creating a strong social support network is key in this process.
Encouraging Professional Help and Treatment
It takes a village to recover from various mental health conditions, meaning you cannot be the sole source of social support for your loved one. Encourage your loved one to seek out professional support from a therapist and/or psychiatrist. Mental health professionals can provide the necessary support your loved one may need to heal and recover by providing therapy and/or prescribing medication. Seeking professional support may be a difficult decision for your loved one to make and they may be reluctant to seek this kind of support at first. Be patient with their decision rather than attempting to change their mind. Attempting to force change may lead them to feel pressured which may actually push them away rather than lead to a deeper connection with your loved one. Instead you may provide support by asking them about their fears about seeking treatment as well as discussing the potential benefits of professional help. Remain present with where they are at in their decision making process. Ultimately, your loved one is the only one who can make the decision to seek out additional help and resources.
If you are a caregiver of someone with a mental health condition and are in need of additional support or are looking for professional help for your loved one, reach out today. Our team at Integrated Care Clinic is composed of mental health professionals who specialize in treating a variety of mental health conditions and supporting the mental health and wellness of caregivers, family members, and friends. Tap here to reach out and start the process today.
