“Man up.” “Don’t be soft.” “Real men don’t cry.” From locker rooms to living rooms, these phrases echo through generations—shaping how many boys grow into men who equate strength with silence. Yet behind the mask of toughness, countless men struggle with anxiety, depression, and emotional isolation, often in silence. As the mental health crisis grows, it’s becoming clear: traditional ideas of masculinity aren’t just outdated—they’re dangerous. In this post, we’ll explore how rigid gender norms impact men’s mental health and how a new definition of masculinity—rooted in vulnerability, connection, and emotional resilience—is offering a healthier way forward.
Understanding Traditional Masculinity Norms
Definitions of masculinity have been shaped by both cultural and generational norms. Traditional masculinity commonly refers to men possessing traits like strength, courage, bravery, and stoicism. In many cultures men are tasked with being the “provider” and “protector” of the family. They are expected to be the ones who “hold it all together” during stressful situations and approach problem solving in a logical, rational manner.
Boys are often socialized to be “masculine” from a young age. Traditional masculinity is commonly depicted in children’s books and movies, like the knight in shining armor valiantly fighting off a monster to save the damsel in distress. Young boys may aspire to be brave, noble, and courageous and dream about becoming heroic figures like firefighters, police officers, or army men. Boys are also more likely to engage in “rough and tumble” play and are inclined to engage in more physical aggression with one another. It is perceived as “normal” and adults therefore write off violence or aggression with statements like “boys will be boys.” Boys are also less likely to be taught how to name, understand, and express their emotions. This makes it more challenging for men and boys to process their emotions and
While traditional masculinity norms are not necessarily harmful in and of themselves, they can become toxic if reinforced in a rigid, extreme manner. Toxic masculinity occurs when a demeanor of dominance and aggression over others is promoted. It discourages vulnerability, meaning any genuine expression of emotion is looked down upon and labeled as “weak.” Boys and men may further be shamed for any trait deemed “feminine,” like care, nurturance, or sensitivity. Men raised in a culture of toxic masculinity therefore have difficulty developing empathy for others as they are out of tune with their own emotions. They are rewarded for acts of dominance, control, power, or success. This detracts from a man’s ability to form intimate and vulnerable relationships with others, especially women, and may lead them to view themselves as superior in relationships. Extreme forms of toxic masculinity may also include using violence to resolve conflicts, bullying others perceived as “weak,” and using dominating tactics to control situations to get a desired outcome.
Mental Health Consequences for Men
Men are less likely to seek therapy or even recognize that they are experiencing mental health symptoms. There is already broad stigma around seeking mental health treatment that is then exacerbated by traditional masculine norms. For example, men are often raised to be independent, rational, and capable of handling their own problems. Seeking help goes opposite to these norms and can feel like a sign of weakness or bring up intense feelings of shame or failure. This can leave men feeling isolated and alone in their struggles, which only serves to exacerbate any mental health struggles they may be facing, like anxiety, depression, or relationship issues.
Mental health struggles in men can manifest differently than what we commonly see in women, making it more difficult to identify when a man is struggling. For example, depression in men may include more irritability and anger as opposed to sadness or tearfulness. They may be more other-blaming as opposed to experiencing guilt or self-blame. They are also more prone to feeling empty and shut down rather than overwhelmed and highly emotional. Behaviorally, men are more prone to engage in escapism behaviors like workaholism, substance use, pornography use, and excessive screen time (i.e., videogaming, television) or risky, reckless, sensation seeking behaviors. Others may label men as “hot headed,” or “unemotional.” These labels may be deemed their “personality” which gives the impression that they are not struggling and therefore do not need help. This creates a barrier to men recognizing they are actually struggling and could benefit from support from peers, family, or professional help.
Destigmatizing mental health for men is important as men are at a higher risk than women for death by suicide for a variety of reasons. Men use more lethal means than women if they attempt suicide. They are also less likely to seek help if they are experiencing mental health difficulties. Lastly, men are more likely to be socially isolated and have less emotional connection with others. Adequate social and emotional support is a protective factor when a person is experiencing suicidal thoughts. Therefore, it is important to recognize that men struggle just as much as women when it comes to mental health. Their struggles may present differently but that does not mean they are not worthy of care, support, and help.
Redefining Masculinity: The Shift Toward Emotional Authenticity
In recent years, the conversation around men’s mental health has begun shifting in a positive direction. There is more media representation for men who are experiencing mental health struggles. Male celebrities, like Dwayne Johnson and Kevin Love, have openly shared their stories and engaged in discussions about mental health, creating more acceptability for men to talk about the issues they face. This is paving the way for younger generations of boys and men to feel comfortable talking about their mental well-being and seeking therapy if in need of extra support.
There have also been shifts from “toxic masculinity” to more positive definitions of what masculinity entails. Positive masculinity encourages emotional literacy through learning how to name, understand, and express emotions without a fear of being shamed or labeled “weak” or “too feminine.” Vulnerability is seen as a strength that helps men form deeper relationships with themselves and their loved ones. “Strengh” is being redefined as the courage to be vulnerable, share deeply with loved ones, and ask for help when needed. Relationships are seen as more collaborative where men have a more active role in domestic responsibilities and in forming emotional connections with their children and partner.
Practical Steps for Men to Prioritize Mental Health
The following are practical steps men can take to prioritize their mental health and well-being:
- Normalize emotional check-ins: To increase emotional literacy, get curious about what you are thinking and feeling as you go through your day. Notice if you experience emotions like happiness, irritability, boredom, anxiety, sadness, or numbness. Self-awareness is the first step in developing a deeper understanding about yourself. One way to hold yourself accountable to this is to get a journal and commit to five minutes of journaling a day. Use your journal to jot down any thoughts or feelings you may have and be curious about what you discover.
- Start small conversations: What would it be like to share some of your more vulnerable thoughts and feelings with a trusted friend or partner? Starting small conversations with others, especially other male friends, can help you develop closer, more supportive friendships. You may find that your friends are going through something similar which can help break down the belief that you are the only one who feels this way or that it is wrong or shameful to feel a certain way. Social support is integral for maintaining good mental health.
- Reflect on your beliefs about masculinity: Make space to reflect on your own beliefs about what it means to be a man. Often our belief systems are shaped by the culture and society we grew up in as well as our family system. What kinds of beliefs and messages did you receive as a child about what it means to be a man? How have these beliefs been helpful and which beliefs have hindered you?
- Seek therapy: Seeking therapy can be beneficial in helping you work toward greater mental wellness. Whether you experience depression, anxiety, loneliness, disconnection, dissatisfaction in your relationships, or unhealthy coping strategies, therapy can help. Therapy is meant to be a safe space where you can work through challenges, find new solutions to old problems, and develop new beliefs about your masculinity that better serve you and your relationships.
Toxic masculinity is out and positive masculinity is in! Let’s continue the conversation of destigmatizing men’s mental health by encouraging men to invest in their mental health. It is more harmful than helpful for men to remain stoic and suffer in silence. There is power and strength in being vulnerable and leaning into difficult emotions. It is an act of courage to accept help from others and seek professional support. Start the process today. Our team at Integrated Care Clinic is composed of mental health professionals who specialize in helping men strengthen their mental health and reach their wellness goals. Contact us today to schedule a call.
