Social skills are a not so new, but hot topic that has been coming up in society, especially since the pandemic. Social skills are some of the most important tools children can develop as they grow. From making friends to collaborating with others, navigating social situations is something that occurs everyday for all people. But for many kids, like those diagnosed with ADHD or Autism, learning how to communicate, empathize, and interact with others does not come naturally or easily. Whether your child struggles with shyness, is dealing with conflicts at school, or simply needs some extra guidance in social settings, this blog is here to offer more insight into what social skills are and how to help your child develop them.
Why Do Social Skills Matter for Kids?
Many parents and caregivers ask this question every day. Why does my kid need to be able to do that? The simple answer is because we all use social skills every day. Whether it is acknowledging your neighbor with a wave as you walk down the driveway or order a meal at a restaurant or make a phone call to a client, you are using social skills. Here are some ways social skills really matter for kids:
- Building friendships: Social skills are the foundations for forming long lasting, healthy friendships. It is not uncommon for many people to have friendships from childhood that last long into adulthood. This is because people develop the social skills they need to be able to maintain friendships through multiple parts of life. If you desire for your kid to be able to form and maintain friendships, they will need to have social skills to do so.
- Navigating Emotional and Social Challenges: Social skills also help us understand, regulate, and express our emotions in an appropriate way. They teach kids how to control the pitch and loudness of their voices given the environment they are in as well as how to react in social situations. Social skills teach kids how to handle conflicts, misunderstandings, and social anxiety as well.
- Boosting Academic Success: Success in school is not just based on one’s knowledge and ability to apply their knowledge. It is also about how well one can communicate with others and work in a team. Social skills teach kids how to be able to do this. They teach turn taking as well as how to be flexible with other’s ideas. As a result, kids will feel more successful at school with their work and their peers.
- Enhancing Emotional Intelligence: Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, regulate, and express your emotions. It also includes the ability to understand other’s emotions and be supportive as they express themselves. Social skills help to teach kids how to have compassion and empathy for others and seek it out for themselves.
Key Social Skills Every Child Should Learn
Social skills encompass multiple areas of life. There are skills to learn how to effectively communicate, have empathy and compassion, conflict resolution, emotional regulation, cooperation and teamwork, and respect for others. Let’s look further into each of these skills and how they can help your child.
- Effective Communication
- Effective communication includes both verbal and nonverbal communication. Children learn how to use clear and concise speech, understanding social cues, appropriate tone of voice, and the ability to express their thoughts and ideas effectively while also considering who their audience is. They essentially will be able to use their words to interact with others in a way that is both understood and well received.
- Active listening is another form of effective communication that children need to learn. This involves learning how to be fully present in a conversation, showing interest through good eye contact, noticing non-verbal cues, asking open-ended questions, paraphrasing and reflecting back what has been said, listening to understand rather than respond, and with holding judgment and advice.
- Another form of effective communication is learning turn-taking within conversations. This looks like a child being able to ask the other person questions and wait for a response from them as well as not overtaking the conversation. Turn-taking helps children to practice active listening and gain reciprocity skills.
- Empathy and Compassion
- Empathy is the ability for someone to be aware of the feelings of others and to imagine what it might be like to be in their position. Teaching kids how to recognize emotions in others helps them to make and maintain friendships. Kids learn empathy through the adults around them expressing how they feel and encouraging the kids to express their feelings as well.
- By being able to have empathy for others, kids then develop compassion for others as well. Building compassion is done through kindness and emotional recognition. This can look like offering a hug to someone who is crying, making a card for someone who is sick, or saying something kind to someone who had their feelings hurt. There are so many small ways to teach kids how to have compassion for others.
- Conflict Resolution
- Conflict resolution skills include the ability to handle disagreements calmly as well as problem solving with solutions that satisfy all people involved. These skills are ever evolving and ones that kids of all ages may need refreshers on. To resolve conflicts, kids can get calm first, find a win-win solution, talk it out and use I-messages, apologize, ask adults for help, and use active listening skills.
- Emotional Regulation
- Emotion regulation skills help kids manage emotions like frustration, anger, and sadness. These are usually big feelings that come with big reactions for kids. These skills teach kids how to identify what they are feeling, express those feelings in a healthy manner, control their intensity, and bring themselves back to a calm manner.
- The first step in helping a kid regulate their emotions is to teach them how to identify what they are feeling. A good way to do this is to show them a feelings wheel or chart and go over with them what each emotion is and when they may feel that emotion. Once they are able to identify how they feel to the adults around them, kids can then get the help they may need to regulate that emotion. This could be taking calming deep breaths, stretching, going for a run or walk, getting a hug, using a fidget etc.
- Cooperation and Teamwork
- From the time our children are able to actively play with other children, it is very common for them to hear that they need to share. “Sharing is caring” as many of the kids say. Sharing, taking turns, and working well with others are important skills to teach kids. Learning these skills as a young child helps them to then be able to do so when they are adults and having to work with others. Most jobs and careers these days require people to be able to work well with others. So the sooner our kids learn how to do this, the more successful they will feel in the future.
- Respect for Others
- Respect for others can look like a multitude of different things. This includes respecting other’s differences, personal boundaries, politeness, and kindness towards others. Teaching these skills can come from the perspective of “treat others how you would want to be treated”. When children act out against another child, we encourage them to think about how they would feel if the roles were reversed and they were the one who was acted out upon. This teaches them how to take perspective and reinforces the need to treat others with respect.
How to Teach Social Skills to Kids
Being aware of the need for social skills for kids and the different social skills they need to have is the first step. Now you may be wondering how to teach those skills to your kids. Here are 5 different ways you can help your kid learn and practice their social skills.
- Role-Playing
- Role-play can be used to practice social scenarios like meeting new people, apologizing to others, or sharing with friends. This helps create realistic, fun situations for kids to act out and learn from trusted adults.
- Social Stories
- Social stories are short stories that can be found online or created by anyone to help explain social situations and expected behaviors to kids. This could include emotion regulation skills, respecting others, or even what it is like to be in a new environment.
- Praise and Positive Reinforcement
- All kids (and even adults!) respond best to praise and positive reinforcement. You can use this to reinforce the positive behaviors you see in your kid to help them to know they are using their social skills well. By acknowledging even the smallest of victories, you are helping kids build their confidence.
- Modeling Behavior
- Parents, caregivers, and any trusted adult in a kid’s life are active role models for what good social skills look like. Being mindful of how you respond and react to different situations can help your kid to be able to do so in the future. You can demonstrate active listening, polite conversations, conflict resolution, and so much more!
- Provide Real-Life Practice Opportunities
- Once you have taught these social skills to your kids, it can be helpful to provide real-life practice opportunities for them that you can help monitor. This could be playdates with good friends, group activities, or going to a new place. Finding opportunities where you can observe and guide kids through real-world social interactions can help instill these skills within them.
Social skills are foundational for emotional well-being, academic success, and positive relationships. They are lifelong tools that kids will carry with them into adulthood and practice everyday. As you find yourself teaching these skills to your kids, remember to be patient and consistent in your teaching and your modeling. If you or someone you know is having a difficult time learning social skills, please reach out to our office today. We have many skilled clinicians who can help you and your child find success with these new skills.
