Friendships play a vital role throughout the lifespan, offering emotional support, a sense of belonging, and opportunities for personal growth. From childhood to old age, the connections we form with others help buffer against stress, provide avenues for self-expression, and improve overall well-being. Research consistently shows that strong friendships contribute to better mental health by reducing feelings of loneliness, enhancing resilience, and promoting positive self-esteem. Whether through shared experiences or providing a safe space for vulnerability, friendships are crucial in fostering emotional stability and lifelong happiness. But, making and maintaining friendships at any stage of life can be challenging. This blog will aim to outline practical steps one can take to build meaningful friendships.
Understanding the Role of Friendships in Mental Health
Social support plays an essential role in our mental health and well-being. As human beings, we are social creatures who have an innate need to be in relation with others, and making friends is one of the key ways of fulfilling that need. Friendships can help buffer against the negative effects of stress and mental health issues in a variety of ways:
- Emotional support: Having a shoulder to cry on and someone to listen and provide emotional support can make a world of difference when faced with challenges, big and small. Experiencing and expressing emotions in the presence of a safe and caring other can alleviate some of the stress and tension you may be feeling.
- Practical support: Friends can also provide us with practical support when unexpected stressors emerge. This may look like rearranging their plans to help you if you’ve broken down on the side of the road, driving you to appointments if you have car trouble, or watching your children if there’s an emergency you need to attend to. A good friend will be someone whom you can depend on in times of need.
- Enjoyment: Friends can also be a source of fun and enjoyment which is a necessary component of overall happiness and life satisfaction. Engaging in enjoyable or relaxing activities with friends can help both your body and mind relax and feel safe.
- Sense of belonging: Many mental health issues are accompanied by feelings of loneliness and isolation. Having close friends can buffer against these effects by creating a sense of belonging with others. Knowing that others understand you and care about you can help decrease feelings of loneliness, isolation, or lack of belonging.
- Physical health benefits: Experiencing positive interactions with others triggers the release of oxytocin, a hormone that reduces the body’s stress response by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol levels.
- New perspectives: Friends can also provide different ways of looking at stressful situations. Hearing different perspectives may help you reframe the way you look at a situation and open up new avenues on how to cope with life’s stressors.
Barriers to Making Friends
- Social anxiety: Feeling anxious in social situations can be a significant barrier to forming new friendships. Those who experience social anxiety may be especially fearful of judgment, criticism, or rejection from others. Socially anxious individuals may ruminate on past conversations with friends, worry about how others are perceiving them, or feel especially self-conscious in social settings. Many cope by avoiding social interactions which can make social anxiety worse and lead to feelings of loneliness or isolation.
- Low self-esteem: Those who have low self-esteem may not feel confident about making new friends or may feel insecure about the friendships they already have.
- Hyperindependence: We live in a society where being independent is valued and praised. Many may view being dependent on others as weak or looked down upon. This mindset can impact how deep, initiate, or fulfilling a friendship can feel.
- Past experiences: It is not uncommon to have negative past experiences in past friendships or relationships such as experiencing heated conflicts, betrayal, feeling unappreciated, or simply growing apart from friends who we once considered close. This may deter us from forming new friendships or make it difficult to trust friends with vulnerable or personal information.
- External factors: External factors can also present a barrier to making or maintaining friends. Some of these factors include moving to a new place, having friends move away, or going through other life transitions like getting married or becoming a parent.
Practical Steps to Make and Maintain Friendships
The following are practical steps on how to make friends. Many of these can be applied to individuals of all ages:
- Start small: Close intimate friendships take time to build. A great place to meet new friends is often at places you frequently go to, such as school, work, local groups, or exercise classes. Often, these are places where there are people who are of similar age and have similar interests as you.
- Pursue shared interests: Pursuing hobbies or activities that interest you can be a great way to make new friends. This not only helps you to develop your identity by figuring out what you are interested and passionate about, but oftentimes allows you to connect with others who share similar interests. Some of these settings may allow for natural conversations to occur.
- Be open and approachable: When making new friends, it’s important to convey an air of openness through your demeanor. This could look like making eye contact and smiling at another person and showing genuine interest in what the other person has to say. If you are feeling anxious or nervous, that’s okay. Notice the anxiety, take a deep breath, and remember that the other person may be just as nervous.
- Start Conversations: Starting a conversation may seem daunting and nerve-wracking. Start by saying “hello” and introducing yourself. Try to ask open-ended questions that allow the other person to share about themself. Start with topics that allow you to get to know the other person but are not too deep or intimate. Others may feel uncomfortable if asked personal questions from the start. If you meet someone at a shared activity or class, you may ask them questions like “how long have you been coming here?” “how are you liking this class/activity?” “what other kinds of activities do you like to do?”
- Ask for contact information: If you strike up a conversation with someone and want to keep in touch with them, don’t be afraid to ask for their social media or phone number. This can be a way to coordinate seeing them at another event or class, or making plans to spend time together if the interest in friendship is mutual.
- Be patient and persistent: The process of making friends takes time, effort, and patience. Allow friendships to gradually unfold over time. Not every person you meet will become a close friend. Allow yourself to feel the disappointment or frustration that may accompany that sentiment while also keeping in mind that other opportunities to make friends will arise. Especially for adults, life is often stressful and busy. Be intentional about carving out time in your schedule to reach out and make plans with acquaintances that may turn into close friendships. It’s okay to take the lead to reach out to potential friends to plan meetups or activities together.
- Utilize technology: Connecting with people through social media, online communities, or apps as tools for meeting new friends can be a great way to build connections. As you meet new people online and they live locally, plan in-person meetups to help strengthen and deepen the relationship.
- Define what you value in a friend: Friends can play many different roles in our lives. Some friends may be the person we can laugh and have fun with. Other friends may be the person we know we can count on when we are in need of support. Defining what is important to you in friendship can help you find and connect with people who share similar values. Important aspects of a friend may be someone who is trustworthy, someone who can celebrate your successes and be there for you on your tough days, or someone you can share your sense of humor with, or simply someone whom you feel safe and comfortable with.
- Quality over quantity: When making friends, focusing on quality is more important than quantity. Having one reliable, close friend is better than a handful of superficial relationships.
Maintaining Friendships for Long-Term Mental Health
Maintaining friendships may seem just as challenging as making friends. The following are tips on how to maintain friendships:
- Deepening friendships: Over time as you build trust with your friends and spend more time with them, your friendship will become more intimate. This involves opening up more about yourself and your life which reciprocally offers the invitation for your friend to do the same. It can feel scary to be vulnerable with others out of fear of getting hurt. Start with small acts of vulnerability before revealing the most vulnerable aspects about yourself.
- Consistency is key: Life gets busy meaning maintaining friendships takes effort. We need our friends most when life gets busy and stressful but often these are the times where we start to pull away and isolate. When you notice yourself isolating, challenge yourself to reach out for support. Connecting with a friend via phone, text, or in-person often alleviates the stress we are feeling.
- Invest in the relationship: Show appreciation for your friends and let them know that you value the friendship you have with them. Let them know what you are grateful for about the friendship and what it means to have them in your life. This can enhance intimacy and creates invitations for the other person to share what they value about you.
- Let go when needed: Not all friendships are meant to last forever. People enter and leave our lives at different times for different reasons. What you needed in one season of life may not be what you need in a different season. It is natural for some friendships to fizzle out or change over time. Allow space to grieve the loss of friendship, let friendships go that are no longer serving you, and adapt to changes in friendships that are bound to happen as you grow and develop.
Building close friendships is key to feeling seen and understood, and achieving a sense of belonging in life. If you are struggling with making or maintaining friendships, reach out for help. Our team of mental health professionals at Integrated Care Clinic specialize in helping individuals of all ages overcome challenges like anxiety, depression, or loneliness that may be holding them back from making lasting friendships.
